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Crying Scarlet Tears: My Journey Through Self-Harm

Sophie Scott
Monarch Books (2009)
ISBN 9780825461699
Reviewed by Patricia Berliner, Ph.D. for RebeccasReads (5/09)

What is it like to hold within you a secret you never knew you had?  One ordinary night, Sophie came home from her day at high school, walked into her dark, empty house and instantly was overwhelmed by fear and loneliness.  Ignoring the feelings, she had dinner, took a shower and, to her surprise, picked up a coat hanger, and started beating herself.  It made her feel “real,” so she then looked around for other objects to use on herself.  And then she left to meet her friends.

The next day, feeling both frightened and guilty, she went to Sunday School and, not realizing that the bruises were visible, was surprised when one of the teachers asked about them. She lied and later added more scratches to take away the feeling of guilt-and every other feeling as well.  Now she got really scared.

The rest of the book is a powerful true story of Sophie’s personal journey, taken on two levels.  First, as a high school student longing to be accepted and, at the same time, not understanding her self-punishing behaviors.  One day, in a daydreaming mode, Sophie had a flashback, a memory of abuse so powerfully frightening and hurtful that it had been pushed out of her consciousness for many years.  She writes, “after I’d had my moment of revelation, I felt very fragile and vulnerable.” 

It took Sophie many years to walk through the darkness and integrate the repressed memories-of people and events- that shaped her life.  Her journey was eased by her family, friends and Church community.  Her story is painfully powerful.  Her story is feelingly hopeful.  Although it is located within the context of her Christian family and extended community, this story is a powerful testament to everyone of the pull of wholeness over illness.

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